Losing Mom

Our story started way back in the early 60’s. My sister and I were blessed to have been born to an incredible woman. During the turbulent times of the 60’s she defined what being a strong woman was at a time when women were struggling to find their place and voice in society. Losing mom recently was like losing a part of ourselves. I know without her, I don’t feel quite as strong as I have over the last 6 decades.

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Coonis Girls

Kari and I have been lucky. The three of us, Coonis girls, have always been extremely close and felt like together we could conquer the world. Mom gave up so much to raise us girls. We apparently were very poor growing up but Kari and I never knew it. Mom made sure that we had everything we wanted and needed but worked long hours. We were blessed because we had amazing grandparents that watched us while she worked, and aunts and an uncle that helped enrich our lives.

Moms health began to decline in 2011. As a smoker she was struggling with lung issues. She was living with us up in the mountains and helping me with Zac. Zac being profoundly disabled, needed full time care while I worked. But, as her health declined she was needing more and more help herself. In 2015 she was struggling more with the altitude and her lungs so she moved in with Kari for awhile.

Our Last Trip Together

Mom and I were lucky we’d taken many trips together, traveled parts of the world but the last trip was especially wonderful.

We took our last 2 week road trip together with Zac, Nash, Ostin and Courtney. We drove from Idaho to California visiting ghost towns and historical sights and eating good food.

After several days in Carlsbad California, we picked up Nash after his graduation at the Army & Navy Academy and set off for Vegas, the Grand Canyon and more exciting adventures together.

Vegas Baby

This trip was pretty magical. I had mom, my kids, the beach, sunshine and great adventures. Mom loved playing slots and bless her heart she got to win a few good jackpots on this trip. She won $1400 on one slot machine. It was very exciting. I loved spending this time with her. We stayed at the Golden Nugget and enjoyed our time on Fremont Street so much. We got to watch some bands which delighted Zac and the trip just had all the keys to be very memorable. It was our last trip together and will forever be special to me.

Moving to Lower Ground

In 2016 we packed up from the mountains and moved to lower ground. Mom moved back in with us because we were home more and she needed more help. Living closer to Kari now the three of us were able to spend much needed time together.

Declining Health, Losing Mom

As moms health declined, our time together became more precious. Mom wanted one thing and that was to die at home. She didn’t want to be in the hospital or a nursing home and Kari and I made sure she got her wish. Mom hated doctors, hospitals or anything else medical. She didn’t want anyone telling her what to do. As time went on, Kari and I knew that whatever time we had with her was limited. We took advantage of our time with her. Mom fortunately, kept her wits about her. As with everything in her life, she did it her way and with dignity and strength.

The last couple of years from 2018 to 2020 were difficult for her, she was frail and weak. She hated being a burden to anyone, but accepted her situation and let Kari and I do what needed to be done to ensure her quality of life. Mom was dealt a challenging life. She raised two girls alone, she lost two of her beloved grandchildren, and had to watch Zac struggle with his devastating disease. Somehow through it all mom kept a beautiful attitude. I think that’s why Kari and I are able to stay positive. She led by example and love.

Letting Go

Watching our strong mother slowing lose her ability to go on was difficult and heart-wrenching for Kari and I. However, we accepted what was and stayed positive with her decisions. The looming pandemic of Covid-19 was just emerging in the US. We were fortunate that quarantines had not been put in place early in March. As mom declined in March, Kari with her work computer in tow moved in to help with mom and spend time with her.

Kari would work in mom’s room and for a few days mom had beautiful conversations with us. Mom’s mind was more forgetful but at times sharp as a whip. She was very bold and we had some serious conversations about what she wanted, life and the joys we had as Coonis girls. Mom asked us, “do you think I am dying, because I think I am”, she said. She was right, that day she went to sleep and with us by her side never woke up. She peacefully passed away, the way she lived her life, by her rules.

A Tribute to Mom

If you never met mom you missed out. Everyone that did meet her, loved her. In the early years, she broke through the glass ceiling and held executive positions at a large corporation, but maintained her cute, funny personality, and her inspirational attitude in tact. She never took a penny from either of our fathers, and was determined to raise two very strong opinionated daughters that could conquer whatever the world threw at us. Because of her we never felt any boundaries. She was a huge influence on her grandchildren and cared for them with the same love, and unrelenting strength she gave Kari and I.

I know mom knew how much we loved and respected her. She inspired us in so many ways. I don’t feel quite as strong without her. She was always there when we needed to tell her something or talk about life, choices, politics, love and our kids. I miss that. I still walk to her room forgetting she’s not there. How do you fill that gap? Losing mom has left a definite hole in my heart but both Kari and I have some peace knowing that she is with both of our boys now.

What I Know Now

Losing mom has made me realize there were other things I should of said, or maybe I said, but didn’t say it enough. Mom was a born caregiver. She gave up everything to care for her sick and dying parents for 15 years, then gave up everything again to help care for Zac when he got sick. She was the main babysitter for Kari’s kids while she was crashing the glass ceiling herself in corporate America. Words really can’t explain who mom was. She was force, she was our super hero and made us feel like we could do anything.

As with everything, mom wanted no bells and whistles in her death. No funeral, no party, no grand gestures, just to pass with Kari and I by her side. Fortunately we were able to give her that when she went to sleep on March 11, 2020 and left this world to join our sons and her parents on March 12, 2020.

My Favorite Memories of Mom

There are so many wonderful memories of my mom but here are a few that stick out and make me smile and feel warm.

1. When she brought Kari home from the hospital and put her in my arms while I sat on Grandma and Grandpa’s bed. She said “This is our baby”. I believed her and took it very seriously.
2. When Kari was a cheerleader I remember mom doing kart-wheels across the front lawn.
3. Mom use to sew a lot of our clothes and she made herself this totally knock out off white mini dress with pearls. She stood in the hallway and modeled and and remember how gorgeous she looked.
4. When I told her she was as pretty as Hobo Kelly, a clown on TV in the 60’s in California.
5. When her and Mike (Dad), danced! OMG, they could dance, it was beautiful. I was never blessed with her dancing grace. When her and dad danced people moved off the floor to watch.
6. The look on her face when she met her grandchildren.
7. When she got off the plane in the Philippines to stay with me.
8. Mom never missed a school event. She made all of our games, cheer-leading, presentations, plays and accolades. She would beam with pride no matter what Kari and I participated in.
9. Mom was tiny, I was not and I always dated older guys. I remember her backing the boys into the wall and asking them if they knew the statutory rapes laws. She was tough and everyone loved her.
10. The peaceful look on her face after she went to heaven.

And Then There Were Two

And then there were two, Kari said after mom passed and she hugged our mom. Two Coonis girls, not quite as strong as the three, feeling a little broken but so grateful for the time we had together.

Losing mom, leaving Kari and I alone in this big world, I felt like a little girl again. How are we going to make it without her. But I know we will, because she taught us how. How to be strong no matter what life has to throw at us, how to have extreme passion for those in need and how to find Joy in the chaos of life.

And then there were two Coonis girls, proud of our mother, grateful for the time we had, clinging to each other forever. We are two, but stronger because of her.

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