The joy of being poor, isn’t something I ever expected to feel. Since being an adult I have always been successful, married well and never had to worry about finances. In fact up until two years ago, I didn’t even balance my checkbook. I just knew that we weren’t wealthy but if I didn’t spend money on frivolous things that the money was always there to cover the essentials. We took nice vacations, enjoyed a not lavish but comfortable life.
But three years ago that changed. I resigned from my career, I was caring for then three disabled family members and I needed a break from the stress of what I was doing. I accepted another position, packed up the family and moved 150 miles away.
Life Gets in The Way
Sadly my husbands health took a drastic decline and he could no longer help me with our quadriplegic son. So I left my new job, looked for a part-time job so that I could be home more.
After searching for work for almost a year. I was told I was over qualified and way to old for most stores and restaurants. I gave up my search. How were we going to survive? We decided to survive on disability from my husband and some of the income I made from writing.
It has been very tough, this year being the worse. My younger son also got sick and now needs my care and can’t help out financially because he can’t work right now. If it wasn’t for my amazingly supportive family we would be in real trouble.
Finding Joy in Walmart
But yesterday as I was walking through Walmart doing the annual Christmas shopping thing, I watched other shoppers. Knowing I had less than $75 in my bank account and bills coming due. A smile came over me as I realized, this holiday season the gifts under the tree were mostly homemade, and I wasn’t buying crap that nobody needed. This year I felt the Christmas spirit that I hadn’t felt in many years, I felt joy.
I wasn’t compelled to go more in debt to have a huge Christmas loaded with presents that no body wanted, or needed. I had done Christmas from my heart not from my pocketbook or a credit card.
Nobody was getting the latest or greatest electronics, dumb cheap movies weren’t being bought as filler, and clothes weren’t being purchased to fill already overflowing closets. Everything Zac and I made came from our hearts. We not only get the joy from giving, but the joy of making something special for each person on our list.
I realized the joys of being poor showed me how much I had wasted over the years on senseless gifts that didn’t matter. That no one really wanted anyway. My heart warmed as I walked through the crowded aisles. Looking in peoples carts at the trinkets and gifts they were buying. It someways it made me sad to think of the money I had wasted over the years on gifts that later ended up in garage sale boxes, broken, unused or at the Goodwill.
I have to admit that I thought about how much I wish I had back even half of the wasted money over the last 40 plus years. The money could have gone into savings or into experiences that my family could have enjoyed.
No Life Regrets
I don’t regret anything in my life. I have learned from the previous years that adventures and experiences mean more than extra boxes under the Christmas tree.
My words of advice; enjoy the little things, build experiences together, don’t buy the plastic just to make life events look bigger. Share experiences and adventures together!
Exactly what you are talking about, I have been trying to explain to my friends that insist on exchanging presents at birthdays and Christmas. I have one friend that goes totally overboard every year, and when I was working, I just went along with it. Now that I am retired, money is tight at times. I really agonized this year with Christmas presents and ended up sending items I don’t think she will really care for, but she has everything and is so difficult to buy for. After Christmas, I am having a talk with her. All I want from her is cards and an occasional phone call. I am telling her that I can’t afford birthday and Christmas presents and from now on, there will only be cards going her way. I am hopeful that she will do the same, but if not, I still will not be participating.
Lynda I totally let go and it has been wonderful. I am not going to feel pressured anymore to give stuff no body needs or wants just to have a gift. Tired of stuff – its just stuff. A cup off coffee together or experiences are so much more important..
I was thinking this same thing not too long ago. I find that some of the times I have been the happiest is when I had the least amount of money.
Kind of crazy for sure. It has been a lovely Holiday season for us and I have never been so broke. Hope yours was good too.
Hi, Kim –
Your message is so on point and relevant for many people – myself included! Our family also decided to forgo physical presents among the adults. We gave gifts to our grandsons, but even they were requesting that they not get “more stuff.” So I knitted winter 🥶 hats! We all live in the colder climates across the country.
Best New Year wishes to you and your family 🤟
Sue
Awesome! I bet the hats were wonderful. Our holidays were wonderful. You
This year is like most others has been for us. We have always been low income, but we did everything in our power to buy the kids what they wanted. The grandkids couldn’t come up with anything this year that they wanted. Instead, we took them both to the grocery store and let them design their own baskets of fruit. Fruit is a luxury, and they thought it was the greatest gift in the world. I think this will turn out to be one of our new traditions….to splurge on fruit!
That is awesome. Fruit is a splurge for us too and so wonderful. Happy your family is finding the joy in the little things.
I’ve had a mother-in-law who spent extravagantly on the kid’s Christmas gifts – to the nutty point. No amount of asking her to cut back ever did any good and seemed to only cause her to “up the ante” each year. It makes me ill when I think of the wasted money for items that weren’t wanted and ended up donated or sold for pennies – especially when I think of how much college costs and how that same money would have been more appreciated then. It’s not the amount of cost of the gifts – it truly is the thought.
Sometimes you just have to give into family and let them do what they want. She obviously gets something out of giving extravagantly. As long as your kids see what you are doing and why that is what is important. Sometime people feel they will be loved more. sad.
We swopped Christmas presents for gifts to charity a few years ago. It came after I was chatting to a friend about what we’d received and she said: “I got some CDs, a couple of books, some make-up, some this, some that”. It felt like she’d got loads of things purely for her husband to spend lots of money on her. She already had piles of CDs, books, make-up, this and that so there was nothing she couldn’t have got for herself. It really made me questions what Christmas was really about and why did we need so much c*** in our lives.
And so now we give to charities, paying towards hospices or water wells in Africa etc and buy one small thing for each other. I’m not going to lie and say it’s not easy seeing people with their pile of presents on Christmas day, but then I think of people being able to drink water without falling ill and it’s worth it.
Also, now my mam is elderly, it’s the experiences we have with each other that count, not what we buy each other. That’s what we’ll remember.
Great post x
That is awesome. I love it when families can agree to play it forward. Makes such a difference. Thank you for sharing.
I complete agree with you. We are in a similar position, I’m a SAHM and my husband is the provider, last year on late August because of an injury on his foot he was unable to work. Since he is self employed, we found ourselves with no income. Between birthdays and holidays, we thankfully were able to provide the kids with modest celebrations. As you said, what they will remember is the family time and love we profess for each other. No need of bunch of big toys or latest gadgets, involving the kids in everyday activities have been a great experience for them. On the bright side, they are even more spoiled with daddy at home.
Thanks Edel, it really has been liberating to not feel the need to go lavish on holidays and birthdays. I have to admit, it was life changing, and definitely lowered my stress level.
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