Bipolar Disorder, Holidays & The Adult Child

I will admit that my misunderstanding of mental illness led me to believe you just needed to pull it together, get some therapy and act right.  Talk about a slap in the face when one of my family members was diagnosed with Bipolar Depressive Disorder.  My previous belief’s couldn’t of been farther from the truth. 

Mental illness is on the rise across the country.  I am learning quickly how many families are coping or trying to cope with Bipolar Disorder regularly.  Bipolar Disorder & the Adult Child has some very hard circumstances.  You can’t control your adult child, you can’t make decisions for them.  You have to hope that they will listen to you and work with you as a family.  As good as that sounds it doesn’t happen often because of the symptoms and behaviors of Bipolar disorder.

I Think I knew Several Years Ago

I think I knew several years ago that  something was very different with our son.  But a mother never wants to admit that her child has mental illness.  There is the heavy heart feeling that it is somehow your fault.  You spoiled the child, you didn’t have enough rules, you some how caused this mental illness or that you did something wrong when you were pregnant.

I have now come to grips with the fact it is not my fault but it doesn’t make it easier.   There is a constant feeling of hopelessness and fear for your adult child when they receive such a diagnosis.  

I have joined a few great support groups to help me deal with some of the behaviors from my adult child. I have gained a better understanding of the illness and wisdom from those that have dealt with Bipolar Depressive Disorder for so much longer.  One thing I constantly hear within these groups is the fear that these parents have for their children.  Many adult children spend time in treatment centers, work with psychiatrists, and/or therapists and still the families fear them coming home because of the conflict it creates with the family.

Many adult children end up homeless, or is psychiatric centers because the families just can’t handle the behaviors associated with Bipolar Disorder.

The one thing I have learned is that Bipolar Disorder doesn’t just affect the person with the mental illness.  It affects the entire family.  Adult children with Bipolar disorder often have other psychological problems, ranging form depression, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, psychotic and delusional behaviors, pathological lying, stealing, lack of empathy, and the list goes on and on.

Although there are plenty of pharmaceuticals out there none of them are a cure and pretty much only deal with the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder and its accompanied psychological problems.  Medications do help people manage their lives better, but not for everyone.

Because I missed so many of the warning signs as my child was growing up. I put together a list of symptoms that may mean your child is developing Bipolar Disorder or some other form of mental illness. 

Signs of Bipolar Disorder: 

• Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities.
• Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, stealing, lying, or self harm.
• Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, loss of memory or memories, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, easily distracted, or false belief in superiority or feeling or worthlessness.
• Psychological: depression, manic episodes, agitated, depression, or paranoia.
• Sleep: insomnia, or excessive sleep.
• Whole body: Fatigue, restlessness, or loss of energy.
• Weight: weight gain or weight loss.
• Also common: Rapid and frenzied speaking. Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with death, difficulty holding down a job, keeping friends or completing tasks.

Every person is different and symptoms will vary from person to person. If you notice any of these symptoms encourage your adult child to seek medical attention.

During the Holidays

Helping other family members understand do’s and don’ts during the Holidays can be a crucial time. Here are some tips and thoughts to help you cope with the holiday stress and Bipolar Disorder.

• Encourage your adult child to share what might stress them out during the holidays.
• Try and keep stress to a minimum.  Don’t over do and remember less is better when you have a family member with bipolar disorder.
• Don’t ask the young adult with Bipolar disorder if they have found a job yet if they don’t have one.
• If the person with Bipolar disorder is legal drinking age and has a cocktail or two don’t judge or lecture them.  They know it’s not good for them so why battle over it during the holidays.
• If comments are made that are inappropriate don’t lash out or criticize publicly.  This just becomes embarrassing and will cause a fight.
• Ask them to help with projects but don’t be offended if they choose not to participate.
• Discuss what is expected of the adult child prior to the party and help them actively participate. 
• If they are home from a home visit from a treatment center it is best to keep groups small.
• Most of all, have fun.  Expect that things might not go as planned and be ready to divert to another plan.
• Talk to the relative with Bipolar Disorder – It is not contagious. Talk about things not related to their troubles but things that interest everyone.
• And Most Important – Do not use your relative or friend as a cautionary tale to your family members.  Don’t say things like “you better get your crap together or you’re going to turn out just like so and so”.  These things are hurtful.  You may think they don’t get back to the person and their family but they do!

Support Groups

There are many support groups at your local hospitals, community centers or on-line. These groups really help you learn so much about mental illness.  The best things about support groups is that they are a safe place, you can share your fears, concerns, and ideas.  You can also express anger, cry a little or just find people, friends that know exactly what you are going through.

I encourage you to join one.