Achieving Goals Amid Bipolar Chaos

Young adults suffering from bipolar disorder know too well how hard it is complete tasks, achieve goals, or even get our of bed. As a family unit, achieving goals amid bipolar chaos can help you gain some control of your family and help your adult child achieve small victories and plan for the future.

Our family has experienced the extreme ups and downs of bipolar disorder. At times, I was at a point I thought I was losing it! Coping already with three disabled people in the home, I now had to learn how to help my youngest son.

So many families give up on their bipolar adult kids because, lets face it, it’s very hard. The behaviors, the immaturity of their actions, lying, stealing, violent and irrational outburst make it hard to stay positive. And for many families an impossible feat.

Family Meetings & Goal Planning

Since starting family meetings and goal setting our family has found the calm in the bipolar storm. I read horror stories so many families are going through. Many were mirroring some of what was happening to us. Determined to save my son from himself and keep our family strong I decided that sitting down everyday as a family was crucial. Our family unit has to work together and everyone in it needs a voice.

I found some great goal books online. The best books focus on setting goals but also address daily activities, gratitude and looking to the future with hope and optimism.

Why Family Goal Setting Is Crucial

1. Family meetings are kept calm and all perspectives are laid out on the table. These meetings prevents shouting matches.
2. The meetings help the person with mental challenges to feel like they are being heard.
3. Just 15 minutes helps builds family bonds that may have been damaged.
4. Setting goals as a family helps each person be accountable but also allows for change and open dialogue as a family.
5. Talking about goals gives each person a positive start or finish to the day.
6. Sitting together and discussing small and large goals gives the person with bipolar disorder options.
7. No goal is too small. As long as it is headed in a positive direction.
8. Helps the family to reach a long term bigger goal, like maybe a vacation, or something else.
9. Sitting together everyday helps the family remember easier times. And opens a window to more dialogue and sharing.
10. Being together helps the family member with bipolar disorder feel important in the family unit. It is important because many feel very alone and disconnected.

Let’s Start

• Pull together everything you need for the first meeting. I recommend goal books like Run The Day by Addax. It list goals, short and long term, gratitude and and evaluation of the day: Click Here for the Run The Day Goal Setting Books.
• Set a short time – We say just 15 minutes. We always say 15 minutes but usually talk for 30 to 45 minutes.
• Sit together the first time and make a plan. We like to do our goal books first thing in the morning. It starts the day off right. Determine length, expectations, responsibilities, and tone for each meeting.
• Set meeting time. We do our books in the morning and meet in the late afternoon as a family.
• Everyone needs to make goals. This is very important. It is not just your child but you, siblings, spouse, significant other – everyone! We all have areas to improve.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t battle over the past, only look to the future.

Focus On Victories Not Failures

• Remind your adult child that no goal is too small. Clean the bathroom. Do a load of laundry, walk the dog. Anything they are having trouble with getting done is a great goal.
• Remember to discuss three things that each person is grateful for from the previous day. Our goal books have lines just for that.
• Find a book that asks what wins they had for the day? It is important to have little victories. Victories can be as simple as I scheduled to clean my room and I did it!! Victory! or I didn’t cuss at my parents, I got out of bed before 10am, or anything that gets done that has been a struggle before.
• Be consistent. If you make excuses to not get together so will your family members . Allow for a few exceptions. Remember, life does get in the way, be flexible. Encourage everyone to complete their goal books even if you can’t meet.

Stay Positive

• Keep it very positive. Have fun. If it starts to get rough or an argument is looming, say lets regroup tomorrow and please complete your book.
• List long term goals. I like doing daily goals, three, six and twelve month goals. But don’t forget your long term goals. These long term goals could be: get a job, take a vacation, get fit or lose weight, manage medication better, and so on.
• End each meeting with something positive, even a quote, an I love you, I am proud of you, or a big hug. Something that tells your child that you really love them and that you want to help.
• And when things continue to go well, do something special like make your child’s favorite meal, go out to dinner, take a family hike, get ice cream or something that is fun together.
• Remember, it doesn’t happen over night. It takes consistent dialogue and patience.

The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.
Mario Puzo

You Can Do This

Achieving goals amid bipolar chaos may seem impossible but can be done. Listing our goals and the things we are grateful for daily has drastically improved our communication. Our family is seeing positive improvements in both our son, his girlfriend and ourselves. We are all being more productive and communicating better.

Keep in mind that most miracles don’t happen over night. Your child may not have long term goals at first and that’s OK. People with bipolar disorder have a hard time making plans for the day let alone the month or year, so don’t get up set if they can’t come up with any at first. Patience, guidance, and leadership will eventually get success!

I wish the same for your family. Good luck and remember you are not alone on this journey.

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